Last night I went to a bar and saw a girl who looked like Katherine Heigl. It turns out her name was Kara and was from the Netherlands and had no idea who Katherine Heigl was. Today, I was at the gym and they were showing a movie staring Katherine Heigl (yes, my gym used to be a movie theater and they still show movies on the screen). This was a very peculiar coincidence, so I decided to watch this movie tonight.
The movie in question, 27 Dresses, fits the romantic comedy formula like Cinderella fits her shoes. The premise revolves around this woman, Jane (Heigl), who has been in 27 weddings as a bridesmaid, who finds herself caught in a unbelievably weird love triangle between her young blonde sister and her awesome rich boss (who she is madly and secretly in love with), all the while pursued by a handsome wedding writer. Okay, got all that? Good. Now we apply the romantic comedy formula.
The formula is simple. First, we have a lovable main character, who is defective in someway or caught up in a funky situation somehow. Then we introduce a potential solution to this person's love problem. But just as things are working out, something terrible happens. We are left wondering: how could they possibly get back together and reach the happy ending? Then something more extraordinary happens. The characters reveal something new, metamorphosize and takes a giant leap by exposing their most vulnerable trait. Lastly, this leap of faith is rewarded and we have our happily ever after.
I hesitate to admit that I enjoyed the movie. I hate to acknowledge that my emotions are so easily manipulated by this formula; shameful really. But I think deep down, this formula is something that everyone can relate to. We are all a little bit broken in parts and get involved in depressing situations at times. We all desire happy outcomes. So the formula works. This movie was especially enjoyable because it was well done. It was funny and touching at the right moments.
But the one thing romantic comedy absolutely doesn't touch is love. Everything in the movie revolves around love, but it's not about love. Love is more than a series of nicely arranged coincidences, nor does it always have a happy ending. Unfortunately for us, we run the risk of mistaking what we see in these movies for love. A proxy for love is a poor substitute for the real thing. The stuff that they skip over in the movie, in between when the characters resolve their conflict and their wedding, is the really interesting stuff. That's love. That's never shown in movies.
Last weekend I had an epiphany. Maybe epiphany is too strong of a word, but it was a pretty strong realization nonetheless. I'm not giving enough back to the world.
There's no doubt in my mind that I will to do something great that changes the world one day. I don't have a clue what that something would be, but since that's in the distant future, I don't have to worry about it just yet.
What about right now? I'm not a celebrity; I don't have millions of dollars; and I lack any political power or influence. Is there something that I can do, however small, that could make the world a slightly better place? I think there is.
Right now I'm living comfortably. I have a job that pays well and I have spare time that I use to pursue hobbies and recreation. In fact, I'm in the midst of a major quest for personal development. But still, I feel that's not quite enough. I'm intelligent; I have decent skills building software; and I like challenges. So there has to be something I can do that's fun, interesting, and at the same time, help the world.
So, I'm gathering ideas of projects to pursue. One thing I could do is build applications for the OLPC; create something useful for people in developing countries. Or maybe I can create an iPhone or Android application that would be useful to scientists. There are many possibilities and now I just need to do some research before I start on something...
I'm kind of sad. It's finally hitting home that I'm getting older, and I get a strange sense that time is running out. Before I know it, I'm going to be 30. And then what? What have I accomplished?
I know I have a lot to be proud of. But I know I could've done more. If I was only less lazy, more dedicated and maybe even smarter.
And there's something more. I feel lonely. It seems that I should by now have found a girl I could truly connect with... mind, body and soul. I hate the feeling that I haven't been looking hard enough all these years. That I have wasted the precious time and life and opportunities. I didn't push myself hard enough and was too arrogant or too stupid to know that I should have.
I'm going to admit to the mistakes of the past. I'm going to release them. Starting now, everything is new again. I am wiser, and I do know myself a lot better.
Today I was repeatedly asked the question: why are men assholes?
First of all, perhaps this rhetorical question is best not asked to a man, unless she is ready with the answer to why are women bitches? The flippant answer would be: we're assholes because the women in our lives made us so. Of course, this is just a cute (or not so cute) deflection of the real question. Even though the question may not have been asked with the expectation of a serious answer, I thought I might attempt one anyways.
Some men are assholes. If you fall for one, then you have no one to blame but yourself. It might have been his faux confidence, flashy car, sweet words, or any number of things that attracted you to him in the first place. Underneath all that, is a shell of a man, filled to the brim with bitterness, anger, and hatred, not only of women but of himself. So, when a girl falls in love with this type of man, I have no sympathies for either. As Forest Gump says, "stupid is as stupid does."
Most men are not assholes. But what we're also not, is an expert with emotions, especially our own. Women are good at eliciting emotions from us, even when we don't wish to admit it. When things are good, well, they're good. But when things fall apart, we fall into the trap that we set for ourselves. We fooled ourselves to believe that we couldn't be hurt by emotions. But when it inevitably happens, we're shocked and surprised.
Emotional pain hurts like physical pain. When a man gets hurt, the instinctive response is to hurt the person who inflicted this damage even more. In the hundreds of thousands of years since we rose upright in the African savanna, this instinctive response served us well. Until now. Now it just makes life unbearable for everyone, us and the women we loved (and perhaps still love).
When the world flips upside down, inflicting pain on the woman also gives him a small measure of grounding. If he can't make her feel love for him, he at least can make her feel pain because of him. It's not much of a consolation prize, but at this point, any bits and pieces of pride and ego that he can salvage, he'll gladly take. When there's no more love to speak of, power is the only thing that matters. As long as he still have the power to make the woman feel something, anything, even if it's pain and misery, he will likely use it.
Sometimes we act like assholes. Not because we are, but because it's the easy way out. It is the fastest way for us to heal and come to terms with our emotions. The alternative is too difficult and too painful. Not many of us knows how to take the high road. And sometimes, not even me.
For the woman, I have only one advice. Ask yourself: is he a good person? If the answer is yes, then forgive him. Even if he acted foolish and hurtful in the worst of times. He did it because it was the only way he knew how to get through the darkness.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about prostitution. No, I'm not about to change careers (thanks for asking). But recent events in the news with Eliot Spitzer together with my recent trip to Las Vegas, where hookers run amok, and my upcoming trip to Costa Rica, where prostitution is legal, has given me some time to think about this complex issue.
First, street prostitution is just bad. Steven Levitt and Sudhir Venkatesh did the now famous study of street walkers of Chicago. The Economist has a pretty good summary of the findings. These hookers only get paid $27 an hour, endure horrible working conditions, and forgo their health all for only $20k per year. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see not only is this type of prostitution morally reprehensible, but also puts an enormous cost on society.
But the problems become murkier when we start thinking about high-ended escorts like the one employed by Spitzer. Is prostitution bad, if the prostitute is voluntarily employed, healthy, well paid, and well regulated (as it is in many countries)? Slate has a decent article discussing some of the issues, but never actually explains why prostitution is illegal. I for one, don't buy into the moral argument. If done correctly, prostitution hurts no one, and can be a win-win.
I actually find it somewhat easy to defend Eliot Spitzer. The only people he hurt is perhaps his wife and his children, but even then it's assuming that his wife didn't actually know about it (or even condoned it). The media's coverage probably hurt more people than what Spitzer did. The charge of hypocrisy can be seen in a different light. As attorney general, it was his job to prosecute the law and the law in New York makes prostitution illegal (regardless if he agreed with it or not). So when he busted prostitution ring, he was performing his duties to the best of his ability. But what he did on his own time, is subject only to his moral judgment. Unfortunately, as a public figure, he didn't have the luxury of privacy the rest of us enjoys. No one is perfect and it's sad to see the career of a good man being cut short by as silly as paying for sex.
My personal belief is that prostitution should be legalized and regulated. This, however, is not to say that I will want to use this service. I don't oppose prostitution on moral grounds (as I am not religious), nor do I oppose it in terms of economics or biology. What makes me pause is a much more personal reason. I simply won't do it because I hold myself to a higher standard. This is not meant to be snobbish or accuse prostitutes of being less valuable than myself. It is just that at the end of the day, I want to be able to say that all the women that I had sex with, at one point in time, actually liked me. It makes me more valuable and gives more respect to the women that I do have sex with (past and future) because I treated them as I would want them to treat me. Unfortunately, at the current rate, soon it would be more economical for me to obtain sex through escort services than to build and maintain meaningful relationships. But as long as I still value the non-sexual components of male-female relationships, I can still keep the balance tipped away from prostitution. For my sake, let's hope it stays that way.
I just felt like I had to rant about this. Recently, Google announced that they're going to give a free phone number to every homeless person in San Francisco, through their GrandCentral service. Now, I happen to have a GrandCentral number, you can try it: 415-683-1096, and I haven't really used it very much. I was going to print it on my business card, but I don't have any... yet.
But let's go back to the homeless question for just a second. Of all the things to give to homeless people, a phone number? I'm not a homeless expert, but I would have thought that the homeless would prioritize some other things above a phone number, such as money, canned soup, raincoat, or maybe a home? And the best part is that the numbers are free to start with. So it's not even a tax write-off.
Okay, let's brainstorm about all the things a homeless person can do with this GrandCentral number. When (and IF) someone calls, they can have it ring their cellphone, office phone, and home phone all at the same time. Assume said homeless person has a cellphone, an office phone, and a home phone (but not a home, by definition). They can give the same number to all the girls they meet but have the call directed to different phones depending on who is calling. Assume, of course, said homeless person can meet girls and give girls numbers without being pepper-sprayed, and actually have those girls call them (something even I can't completely master, shockingly). Or maybe they can use it to switch phones in the middle of a conversation, say when their cellphone runs out of battery and they have to switch to the phone in the police station all without breaking the "1 phone call" rule.
Yeah, I know I'm going to hell. But I'll probably meet the lot of them there too.
Let's face it. This give a free free phone number to the homeless is just a big publicity stunt. They even got my Mayor to praise it to the press. Is google really that desperate to get into the phone business?
I got hit pretty hard by a virus this week, and pretty much spent all weekend at home sipping hot drinks and self-medicating. But it afforded me some time to catch up on my readings, which I have totally neglected due to my hectic schedule. I finally got a chance to finish Dot.con : How America Lost Its Mind and Money in the Internet Era by John Cassidy.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who's interested in a comprehensive, narrative-rich, abet rear-view-mirrored, look on the Internet bubble. I just missed the internet bubble as I spent most of the 1990s in a small town in Canada, and got to college just as the bubble collapsed. But since I live within throwing distance to Silicon Valley, and depend on the Internet for my livelihood (more or less), the bubble is a topic that comes back over and over.
What's most interesting to me is how long the bubble lasted. From the IPO of Netscape to the collapse of the NASDAQ on Black Friday, the bubble lasted 5 years. Even the deflation of the bubble took a long time, it wasn't until September 11th that shocked everyone out of the dream that was eternal prosperity. Cassidy attributed the bubble to a number of things, some economical, some geopolitical, but ultimately on human weakness. Americans, from bankers, to reporters, to housewives all believed (or did their best to pretend to believe) that a fundamental change has occurred that basically allowed growth to sustain indefinitely. This created a snowball effect that drowned out everything, including reason and moderation.
My observation from this is that America is a place where your intelligence is somehow positively correlated with how much money you've made. The voices of moderation during the late 1990s were ignored, because they didn't make as much money. Those who reused to invest in Internet stock, were dinosaurs and just didn't "get it". Those who predicted yet higher stock prices were proven right, time and time again. But after the collapse, those who did make it out with money looked so smart, and those who didn't (and since there were so many of them), if not stupid, then just plain unlucky. I don't think anything has changed since then. If Web 2.0 is a bubble, then the same thing will happen. Those who emerge with profits will be smart regardless. Greedy, maybe, but then America never punishes people for being greedy. Not that I necessarily agree with this view, but it's an observation of the way things are.
Anyways, the long aside, aside, I highly recommend this book, if you haven't read it already. This is actually the first book I finished this year (and it's almost March), so I'm off to my next reading assignment.
Last year, I wrote a blog entry about Valentine's day, which was well received. The main message was that being single on Valentine's day isn't so bad, and the whole point of Valentine's day is a celebration of love, not the person you happened to be attached at the moment. The tone was hopeful, light and even sarcastic. However, as Valentine's day draws nearer this year and I find myself alone, yet again, my mood has turned somewhat more sullen.
I'm alone, but not literally alone, since I'm surrounded by friends, roommates, and co-workers. It's just this feeling, that sometimes sweeps over me, usually the moments right before I fall asleep at night. I don't like it and I don't think I can ever get used to it and I hope I never do. It doesn't help that I'm engaged in one of the most lonesome professions in the world. Maybe it's a delusion that a warm body next to me will change this feeling, but it would be a step in the right direction.
I'm alone, but not because of lack of trying. I've dated a few girls in the past year, but for one reason or another, I'll still be single tomorrow. That's okay, because I do have high standards and I don't expect to find someone that I'm compatible with without going through a fair amount of trial and error. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Either opportunities have passed me by, or I haven't prepared enough. I think it's a bit of both. So, as long as I keep trying, one day, luck will happen.
But we always say, one day, as if it's a sure thing. So let me just throw this out there, what if one day never happens? What if we wait one day after another one day and nothing changes? At which point will we give in, become resigned to our dismal fate? Depressing thought, I know, but sometimes I wonder. I would hate it if I woke up one day, and found myself in that other one day when I just say "I don't care anymore." Let's hope I find my one day before then.
I'm tired now, and I'll be going to bed soon. You can probably already guess what feeling will go through me right before the delta waves take over.
But, regardless if you're alone this Valentine's day, you should have a great day. If you have found your one day, I'm happy for you, and if you're like me, still searching, I hear that next Valentine's day might be quite beautiful.
Well, I paid very little attention to the Iowa Caucus because I was busy doing other things. But it did seem that Senator Barack Obama achieved a resounding victory.
Part of the credit I would give to Obama Girl. I was pretty ambivalent about Obama, until I saw the Obama Girl video. Something about a girl prancing around New York City in a tight t-shirt is just, well... persuasive. If you don't believe me, see it for yourself.
I especially love the insinuating lyrics:
You’re into border security
Let’s break this border between you and me
Universal healthcare reform
It makes me warm
You tell the truth unlike the right
You can love but you can fight
You can Barack me tonight
I’ve got a crush on Obama
But seriously, I'm looking looking towards a Obama vs McCain election. That should be really interesting.
I decided a few weeks ago to go visit my grandparents in Beijing for a week. Just got in not too long ago after a 12 hour direct flight from San Francisco.
Sad news is that my luggage didn't make it. So... I have nothing right now. Sigh... I swore I'd never fly Air China again after a debacle 10 years ago. I guess it'll be another 10 years before I try again.
